What had happened was ....

My job. It is KEERAAAAZZZYYY. I mean, so crazy that the first thing I think about when I get up in the morning is when I can come home and get in bed again. I mean, so crazy that I sometimes talk in a cartoon voice when I'm in the office. I mean, so crazy that I don't even care what I wear to work -- you should see the ensemble I have on today. I'd be embarrassed if I had time. (Or if I were actuallly convinced that orange and purple DON'T match. They kind of do, so shut it.)

Exchange of the day:
Context: I'm walking Lou down the street, past an old man sitting on his stoop.
He says: "Hey, that's a fat dog. How old is he?"
Me says: "He's 12"
He says: "Oh, he's going to die soon."

The end.