Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Starting the New Year Early

images (Picture unknowingly provided by this site.)

One of my goals for the new year is to insert new phrases into the vernacular of the hip. I'm not sure who "the hip" are, but if I find them, here's what I'll try to get them to say:

PHRASE: On GP
USE/MEANING: On general principle, as in, "She took credit for my work, so on GP, I punched her in her piehole"

PHRASE: Broker than a bag of glass
USE/MEANING: I/you/we/him/her ain't got no money ... to pay for nothin'.

PHRASE: Working me(him/her) like the good mule in August
USE/MEANING: The good mule is the one you beat, because you know s/he will work if beaten. The bad mule (i.e., the non-working, stubborn, disagreeable mule) isn't worth the trouble. You just keep him/her on the payroll and let the good mule take up the slack ... or, I mean, beat the good mule until s/he takes up the slack.

PHRASE: Lonelier than an orphaned stepchild
USE/MEANING: Well, lonely is just lonely. But, if your real parent left you, remarried, and then both of those new parents were dispatched in some horrible accident .... you'd be REALLY lonely.

PHRASE: As safe as a eunuch in a whorehouse
USE/MEANING: Basically, I'm trying to say that the thing you're afraid of isn't capable of hurting you, so calm it.

PHRASE: As useless as tits on a bull
USE/MEANING: This is obvious. A bull? He nurses no one, and yet, he has tits. Useless.

PHRASE: More fun than eating a bowl of glass
USE/MEANING: Well, it sucks (really, really, really bad), but it could be worse.

PHRASE: I have more stress than the elastic on a fat woman's pants
USE/MEANING: Just do what I say/ask, okay? I'm at the breaking point.

PHRASE: Lamer than a one-legged horse
USE/MEANING: That was a bad idea/suggestion.

PHRASE: As smart as smoking at the kerosene pump
USE/MEANING: See above.

PHRASE: Hotter than a pink peppercorn
USE/MEANING: A play on the P. Hilton utterance, "That's hot". Used to connote hotness.

PHRASE: Sweeter than a cake-filled pie
USE/MEANING: Just super-sweet, but in a smarmy way.

PHRASE: About as intuitive as the theory of relativity
USE/MEANING: Used strictly in a saracastic way, to connote the un-intuitiveness, or unduly complicated or verbose nature of someone's statment.

PHRASE: Prettier than three sevens
USE/MEANING: Awesome, perfect, the best -- better than pulling the Red White & Blue Slots and getting three 7s!

PHRASE: Better than snake-eyes, but not as good as seven the hard way
USE/MEANING: Well, it could have been worse, but it's not as good as it could have been were it perfect.

PHRASE: I love you more than cheese
USE/MEANING: The best thing anyone can say to you. The person who says this to you would put their life on the line for you, do wrong for you, etc.

PHRASE: As cool as a 7th level wizard master
USE/MEANING: Wholly sarcastic phrase, full of derision for the target. No 7th level wizard master is actually cool, as is widely known. Sample use: "Oh, that striped leg-warmers and matching vest outfit makes you look as cool as a 7th level wizard master."

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Anonymous localgirl1964 said...

2:19AM? Please get some sleep! Anyway - I check in with your blog every once in a while from work - when I can get away with a little surfing my favorite sites. May the new year bring you joy and love!
Alex

3:21 PM  
Blogger olive said...

Oh, localgirl, I am a BIG, FAT insomniac, so when the blogging spirit hits me at 2:19am, what else am I gonna do? Would that I had the energy to do something more productive (i.e., income-producing), but I'm only awake enough to blog, so there you go. I'm sending you good wishes for the New Year, too. I hope 2006 is, for you, more than you dreamed it could be.

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Anonymous Kelly said...

Happy 2006! Thanks for the good thoughts you sent my way during our airport mishap. I was thinking about you driving all the way to Cinncinnati with your big dog -- not sure if that's how you ended up traveling there or not. In fact, we were at Midway and saw a woman with her dog and Ethan got all excited. Tony mentioned someday bringing our dog with us and I quickly told him how I heard from my "internet friend" Jen that its as expensive for a pet to fly as a person.

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