Wednesday, July 06, 2005


I haven't done the chicken/oxtail bone count for a while. That's mostly because there are too many, and it's too sad to keep counting them. Also, Lou has learned not to eat them. I carry a pocketful of bacon (Well, Beggin' Strips, but as the commercial says, dogs don't know it's not bacon) in my pocket which is a deterrent/reward that seems to work. I do have to point out, however, that Lou just got a haircut -- a SEVERE haircut, actually -- that has made more counting appropriate:

4 Number of children who asked me if Lou was a fox
4 Number of times I responded "Yes" to the above question
2 Number of times people in the neighborhood asked me if Lou had been sick/in the hospital/had cancer
2 Number of times I responded "No, crazy. It's just a haircut"
1 Number of times the good folks at Harlem Vintage laughed at my dog's haircut
0 Degree of animosity I have for the laughing. He does look weird, and his head is now disproportionately large. Plus, it's the best wine shop in the city, so they can laugh at me all they want, as long as they keep the Raventos cold, they can throw rocks at me, kick me in the head, or pinch me real hard. I'll still love them.

Oxycodone for Everyone!

So, here are some interesting things about being in the hospital:

1. It kind of smells. It's like a combination of Lysol and pee.

2. Nurses are nice. I think. I'm not sure. I was pretty high most of the time.

3. You can get pneumonia just from not moving! Who knew?

4. Cartoon Network is on basic cable which is good, because 20 minutes of story line is all you can take when you're high on morphine.

5. Personal dignity is easy to put aside. Especially when you can't walk ... to the bathrooom ... by yourself.

6. Oxycodone? I understand, Rush. I do.

7. Oxycodone? It makes you buy things you shouldn't:

Let's not even talk about the price paid. Rather, let's discuss appropriate names for this cutie-pie. Choices to date are:

- Wilona (ala Good Times)
- D.W.
- Imogene (after the fabulous Imogene Coca, obviously)
- Odette
- Violet

I'm open to suggesetions.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

The Long Walk Home

I am back! Surgery was great -- I lost 7 pounds! Had the surgery on june 21st, was in the hospital until the 24th (<-- that was an unexpected surprise), took my last pain pill on June 25th, and was in the swimming pool on June 30th. Now, it's July 5th and I'm back at work, where these people didn't even buy me a cupcake. What the hell kind of Welcome Back party can you have without a cupcake?