Saturday, June 11, 2005

Whatchu Talkin' 'Bout, Wilhelm?


I thought this was a joke. I hope it is, but it seems it's true that the Augsburg Zoo in southern Germany is planning an exhibit of Africans. Now, living in Harlem, I was aware of the particular interest Germans seem to have in African Americans -- busloads of them come through my neighborhood every week taking pictures of the brown people. And, while it's weird seeing buses full of blond folks chugging down 121st Street every Saturday, I do get that there's significant and probably meaningful interest in Harlem and its history. Putting black folks in a zoo, though? There's no amount of historical import that makes that right.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Work is for suckers

I need to buy this book:

I'm not usually an ABW. On any given day, in my interactions with folks, I'm either SBW (S is for Sassy) or HBW (H is for Happy), but I save the angry for home. Sadly, I'm getting kind of angry lately. My own personal patholoogy (that it's important to me for some reason that people like me) is getting in the way of speaking the truth to people who REALLY need to hear it. It makes a gal angry, and today, it gave me hives. Seriously. My arms and hands are so puffy, I'm sure it's not just the usual fat. The crazy thing about this is, I'm 100% sure that the folks who are making me so mad are not even spending .01% of the time I am worrying about the situation. Maya is right -- they're stealing my joy! It must be stopped. I'd hate to have to sick my mom on someone, but I'm thinking about it ... seriously. She is fearless and fearsome! Okay, bad air out.

Good air in: I can sew, y'all! I got it on seriously tonight. The hardest part was figuring out how to thread the damned machine. But now? Zigzags, overstitch, free-form embroidery stitch. Get ready to get your vest! I'm making them all the same colors -- kelly green and lemon yellow, because it's just obnoxious. I'm also working on a baby blanket for my boss. I wish she would just give me the sonogram so at least I'D know the sex of the baby and could plan accordingly! There's not a lot you can do with pale green or pale yellow. Barf. I don't want to knit or crochet anything, but I have that as a backup. I really want to make this:

But, I think I'll have to go with something like this (but I'm new so I'll use squares, probably, not circles):

We'll see. She's not due until September, so I've got a few months to try, fail and try again. Later.

Can't Stop Blogging, Biotch

I've said it before, and I'll say it again for you
Aqua Teen Hungerforce is the best cartoon view
Meatwad is clever, and his humor is deep
Shake tries too, but his jokes are kind of cheap


I'm watching the show now, and I just heard this: "I'm a vampire now, y'all. Check me out. I got fangs. I got a bad-ass cape."
You can't buy that kind of wit.

Theme song for you:

My name is ...
the mic rulah,
the old schoolah, you wanna trip, I'll break it to ya.
Frylock and I'm on top rock you like a cop,
Meatwad you're up next with your knock-knock.

Meatwad make the money see,
Meatwad get the honeys G.
Drivin in my car,
livin like a star,
ice on my fingers and my toes and I'm a Taurus.

Cause we are the Aqua Teens,
make the homeys say ho and the girlies wanna scream.


Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Hallmark Moment


No complaining, just a cute story. I just took Lou out with me to the corner store to get toilet paper and incense -- not because I needed both at the same time, smarty. I mean, we all know my sh*t don't stink. It was just because I was out of both, and I thought Lou could use an evening tinkle.

Now, even if it is wrong for 7-year olds to still be up at this time of night (11pm!), they were still cute. They must have been, because you know I don't like no kids. So, Ariana and her twin, Briana, came running up to me with four afro-puffs between them, and wearing those cute dresses that only little girls can wear, yelling, "Doggie! Doggie!", and I said, "Go ask your mommy if it's okay for you to say hi to the doggie." They sprinted off to their mom who was sitting on top of someone else's car smoking a cigarette, and she must have said yes, because they came running back. Lou is so good with little kids, especially girls. (Given his history, he's understandably nervous around boys.) Ariana said, "Sit, dog." And, he did. I told them that his name is Louis, and they proceeded to pet him, and walk me to the corner.

I went into the Meat Store (that's what the sign says, although I have never seen any meat for sale there, but they do run a numbers game out of the back room ... maybe "meat" is code for illegal gambling). Anyway, I got my TP, my incense, and 3 mild mini-Slim Jims for Lou. When I came out, the sisters were there waiting, so I walked with them while I opened the Slim Jims and broke small chunks off for them to give to Lou. I told them, "Put it in the middle of your hand and say, "Sit, Lou. Cookie." They did -- well, Ariana did. Briana was chicken. Lou performed as only he can, and they were loving him. They wanted to walk him down the block, so we asked their mom if they could go with me a few doors down (the store is literally 50 yards from my front stoop) and she said, "Yeah." So cute that both of them were holding the leash, Briana at the end, Ariana, as close as she could be to his face. And Lou was sweet. He didn't pull on the leash (maybe it was too hot) he did that thing he does where he looks at you while he's walking, too. Then, he went to tinkle on some flowers, and I said, "Don't pee on that", and Ariana and Briana both yellled, "No, Lou". He kind of listened, then sat and waited for Ariana to give him another treat. He got one. Their mom called them back, and they were so cute, skipping down the street backwards, yelling, "Bye, Lou. Be good, Lou. Bye, Lou." You had to be there. Later - j.

Complain, Complain, Complain

Everyone hates a complainer, but I'm really good at it, and I say, go with your strengths.
Today, this guy moved into my neighborhood, apparently:
King of Hell
I'm not sure why we have to accommodate him, by turning up the thermostat, but what do I know?

Finished complaining for now. You are lucky. I'm too hot to keep reminding myself that I'm hot. Speaking of hot, lookit:


My friend Anthony (pronouonced Antnee) has an online store: Check it out. You can buy the Crazy Tom shirt there. I also have the Brooklyn Wig Shop tee in pink. I'm ordering the Crazy Tom shirt right now. I can't wait to wear it! Later - j.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Just to reiterate :

This is me:



I'm not kidding. It's hotter than Paris Hilton tap-dancing on the Sun. Oooh, my feets! - j.

F'ing Hot


Not quite what I came home to, but close. It's so hot. And, it smells. This?
Not so much.

Smell ya' later ... on the subway ... after you've had a feta and onion sandwich and a big glass of B.O. Argh. - j.

Monday, June 06, 2005

End Game!

I HEART THE PISTONS. Also, so does Larry Brown, lookit:


That's him thanking the Lord for being associated with the Pistons. I remember when I lived in Chicago (and can't wait to get back there!) how we loved the Bulls and the Bears and the Cubs and the Sox (White, thank you) and the Blackhawks. It's different in NYC, because everyone COMES here. The teams don't seem to hold the same kind of power and garner the same kind of love as they do in cities like Detroit and Chicago and Boston where people LIVE there. I'm not saying you shouldn't root for the Nicks (yuck) or the Nets (double extra yuck) or the Yankees (hold on while I puke) or the Mets (they're okay), just that it's different.

Real-time blogging here:

Ben Wallace just dunked to give Pistons a 2 point lead.
Shaq attempts a dunk, some smarty party denied it, but fouled him. Let's hope that Shaq sucks at the free throw line. Oop, no. He got the first one. Okay, one more, cross your fingers now .... three dribbles, one exhale, and he made it. He's made 6 in a row. Whatever. Miracles happen.
Rasheed Wallace misses 2-point shot for Detroit, 2:45 remaining, game tied at 76
Crapola, Shaq makes a hook shot, Miami is up by 2, 2:25 remaining
Detroit misses a three, Miami rebounds, because Detroit finds that kind of activity distasteful. What the ...?
Damon Jones shoots at some invisible target misses.
Detroit makes a 2, game tied with 1:45 to go
Shaq tries to dunk a pass from Wade, Ben Wallace fouls him
Shaq at the free throw. He dribbles, one, two, three, makes it. Miami has a 3 point lead.
Rasheed Wallace shoots, draws foul, both teams over the foul limit.
One minute, 26 to go, Rasheed Walllace at the line, makes the first one. He's a 70% free throw shooter. He dribbles one, two, three, makes it again. Pistons lead by one.
Miami (who?) misses jumper, knocked away, last touched by Miami.
Pistons w/1 point lead and the ball, one minute remaining
I'm going to have a stroke.
Oh My God! Detroit gets a fucking offensive rebound -- Kerr misses, Wallace gets the rebound and Detroit is up by three now.
Thank God there's a commercial. I need to do some yoga breaths, and pee. Hold on.
Okay, back from commercial:
Detroit 82, Miami 79, 54.7 seconds remaining
Holy Crap! There was a foul! Holy Double Crap, no one saw it! Holy Happy Crap, Jump Ball!
Detroit gets the jump ball, 41 seconds
Detroit loses the ball, Miami recovers, Billups called for the foul.
Luckily a 61% free throw shooter, Damon Jones, is at the line. He'll miss.
I was wrong.
He hits one of two.
It's a two-point game
Wade fouls Billups, Detroit is at the line. Billups is an excellent free throw shooter, and makes the first.
Detroit 83, Miami 80
Billups shoots the second and makes it, baby.
Detroit 84, Miami 80
Holy Lord, there are 15 seconds remaining (Chickens = 100, eggs = 100, baby!) Commercial break
Miami to inbound, Wade to Shaq, he makes it for 2
Detroit up by 2
Billups is fouled again. What, are they crazy? He's at the line, and surpise (not reallly) makes the first one. Detroit up by 3.
Billlups at the line, still, dribbles one, two, three, four, makes the second one, Detroit up by four, ten seconds to go.
Wade fires from downtown, misses, Detroit rebounds.
Look at Larry Brown again:


He loves them. I do, too. Because the won it, baby! I love this game. Except, Alonzo Mourning looks like he's going to cry, that makes me sad. But I feel worse for Rasheed Wallace with that big chunk of hair missing out his head! Is there something I don't know? Did an anvil miss and hit him by mistake? He must make millions, couldn't he get a better barber? I'm just saying.

Anyway, woo-hoo! Here we go!

The Best Offense ...

Why don't the Detroit Pistons think it's important to get the offensive rebound? I guess I don't understand enough about basketball. I mean, the Pistons are monstrous on the defensive boards ( I am afraid of them, and I'm not afraid of anything ... no, not even the mouse, it just pisses me off, it doesn't scare me, so stifle ). I think the Pistons may be too optimistic, too "up with people" -- they just assume the shot is going to go, so they all get up-court and miss the opportunity to get the offensive rebound.

Now, I ain't no basketball coach. I'm barely a productive member of society. I'm just saying. Peace out -- BG (this is my new nickname, short for Baby Greens, given to me by my favorite colleagues at work. If I were a weaker person, my feelings would be hurt. But it's as close to a hip-hop moniker as I'm going to get, so I'll take it). One more post at game's end. It may be a sad one. Miami is up by 5, with roughly 8 minutes to go. Detroit continues to refuse to attempt the offensive rebound. Shaq has a serious Fu Man Chu, Ben Wallce seems undaunted by it, but the Fu Man Chu is kicking his arse, and I'm pretty worried. Argh x 1000.

Detroit Pistons vs. Crappy Miami Suck-face Yucky Heat

Do you love Detroit?
I do. Look how, at the start, they're all cute in their warm-ups. Now, they're down by 2 in the 4th quarter wtih 11:36 to go. I am feeling very stressed out. I never wish ill-health or pain on anyone, but I do wish someone would throw an anvil down on the court and "accidentally" bean Shaq in the head. I don't want him hurt (his head is probably very thick), just too loopy to play.

Crap, Alonzo Mourning just rejected a shot by Detroit. Maybe we need two anvils. Argh, argh, argh. More later, after the final score. Later - j.