Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Starting the New Year Early

images (Picture unknowingly provided by this site.)

One of my goals for the new year is to insert new phrases into the vernacular of the hip. I'm not sure who "the hip" are, but if I find them, here's what I'll try to get them to say:

USE/MEANING: On general principle, as in, "She took credit for my work, so on GP, I punched her in her piehole"

PHRASE: Broker than a bag of glass
USE/MEANING: I/you/we/him/her ain't got no money ... to pay for nothin'.

PHRASE: Working me(him/her) like the good mule in August
USE/MEANING: The good mule is the one you beat, because you know s/he will work if beaten. The bad mule (i.e., the non-working, stubborn, disagreeable mule) isn't worth the trouble. You just keep him/her on the payroll and let the good mule take up the slack ... or, I mean, beat the good mule until s/he takes up the slack.

PHRASE: Lonelier than an orphaned stepchild
USE/MEANING: Well, lonely is just lonely. But, if your real parent left you, remarried, and then both of those new parents were dispatched in some horrible accident .... you'd be REALLY lonely.

PHRASE: As safe as a eunuch in a whorehouse
USE/MEANING: Basically, I'm trying to say that the thing you're afraid of isn't capable of hurting you, so calm it.

PHRASE: As useless as tits on a bull
USE/MEANING: This is obvious. A bull? He nurses no one, and yet, he has tits. Useless.

PHRASE: More fun than eating a bowl of glass
USE/MEANING: Well, it sucks (really, really, really bad), but it could be worse.

PHRASE: I have more stress than the elastic on a fat woman's pants
USE/MEANING: Just do what I say/ask, okay? I'm at the breaking point.

PHRASE: Lamer than a one-legged horse
USE/MEANING: That was a bad idea/suggestion.

PHRASE: As smart as smoking at the kerosene pump
USE/MEANING: See above.

PHRASE: Hotter than a pink peppercorn
USE/MEANING: A play on the P. Hilton utterance, "That's hot". Used to connote hotness.

PHRASE: Sweeter than a cake-filled pie
USE/MEANING: Just super-sweet, but in a smarmy way.

PHRASE: About as intuitive as the theory of relativity
USE/MEANING: Used strictly in a saracastic way, to connote the un-intuitiveness, or unduly complicated or verbose nature of someone's statment.

PHRASE: Prettier than three sevens
USE/MEANING: Awesome, perfect, the best -- better than pulling the Red White & Blue Slots and getting three 7s!

PHRASE: Better than snake-eyes, but not as good as seven the hard way
USE/MEANING: Well, it could have been worse, but it's not as good as it could have been were it perfect.

PHRASE: I love you more than cheese
USE/MEANING: The best thing anyone can say to you. The person who says this to you would put their life on the line for you, do wrong for you, etc.

PHRASE: As cool as a 7th level wizard master
USE/MEANING: Wholly sarcastic phrase, full of derision for the target. No 7th level wizard master is actually cool, as is widely known. Sample use: "Oh, that striped leg-warmers and matching vest outfit makes you look as cool as a 7th level wizard master."

A Meme I Copied from Kelly

So, yeah, whatever, I copied this from Kelly, but that's just because no one ever memes me!

Nickname: Jen, JC, JMC, Jenny

Piercing: Two per ear.

What is the most recent movie you've seen in the theater? I think it was Gothika? Maybe? If it was, it sucked. It could have been Out of Time, too. That also sucked. I used to go every week when I was in grad school, but haven't gone since I got to NYC. For $12.00, I can buy a pay per view AND a pizza at home.

Eye Color: Brown

Place of birth: As far as the government is concerned, the U.S.

Favorite foods:  Cheddar, Aged Gouda, Havarti (no dill, blech!), Swiss, Gruyere, Chevre, Provolone, Mozzarella, Fontina, Asiago, and Parmesan. In that order. Oh, aside from cheese? Soy cheese.

Ever been to Africa: My sister has. I will go one day.

Ever been toilet papering: No, but I've gone garden gnome-rearranging.

Loved someone so much it made you cry: Yes, everyday, almost. I'm working on not being so sappy, though.

Been in a car accident: Yes -- see post about getting hit (I Got Hit By A Car, Y'all). Also, one in my rockin' yellow Pontiac Sunbird in high school, and one when my mom swore she could make the light.

Croutons or bacon bits: Bacon-flavored croutons.

Favorite day of the week: Vacation day.

Favorite restaurants: Sticks (in Charlottesville, Virginia -- best falafel I've ever had, and I LOVE falafel), Erwin (in Chicago, my favorite, favorite, favorite place to live in the U.S.)

Favorite Flower: Hydrangea.

Favorite sports to watch: On TV, all of them, except baseball. Baseball is only good when you're there. Oh, also, even though you can count on it as a clue in the NYT crossword puzzle at least once a week, jai alai is kind of scary, and I don't understand it. Oh, also, hockey? No. Boxing? It's just hockey without the skates.

Favorite drink: Sans alcohol, grapefruit juice. I can't get enough. Con alcohol, cava.

Favorite Ice cream: Vanilla, because you can put stuff on it.

Disney or Warner Brothers: I refuse to answer on the grounds that I might incriminate myself.

Favorite fast food restaurants: Skyline Chili, which, if you're not from Cincinnati, you won't know. Second, White Castle, because you can eat 100s of them at a sitting.

What color is your bedroom carpet: Hardwood pine, with a fine coating of dog hair.

How many times you failed your driver's test: Once when I had a learners' permit (parallel parking got me), and once when I went for renewal (rolling through stop signs = not good).

From whom did you get your last e-mail: System Administrator: "Your mailbox is over its size limit!"

Which store would you choose to Max out your credit card? Thomas Pink, because a good shirt is hard to find, and they have the best.

What do you do most often when you are bored: Knit or sew.

Bedtime: I'm typing this at 1:29am.

Favorite TV Shows: CSI (Las Vegas. Miami is okay, but only for the eye candy.) Family Guy, Futurama, Forensic Files, The Dog Whisperer, The L Word, Sleeper Cell.

Last person you had dinner with: My Mom (Mary), my Dad (Larry), and my sister (Aimee).

Ford or Chevy: Um, neither? My next car will be the same as my last, an old diesel Mercedes -- they last forever. I gave mine to my cousin in exchange for him storing my furniture and moving it from Virginia to NYC. Her name (the car, not my cousin) was Beatrice, and she had almost 300K miles on her. She still works. When I first moved to VA, I lived in a big apartment complex and the kids there used to say, "Miss J, your car smells just like a cookout" (because of the diesel). I also fooled them daily into thinking I was the school bus, because the car was kind of loud. But, she was a 1983 car, and had been in our family for 14 years, during which time she never broke down, and the most I spent on her was a new radiator in 2002 which cost 600 bucks. The pre-Chrysler Germans could make the hell out of a car is all I'm saying.

What are you listening to right now: At this very moment? My dog snoring and my cat purring while sleeping on top of my dog. Music-wise? I'm hooked on Kanye West right now, but I have Gonzalo Rubalcaba on my CD player at the moment.

What is your favorite color: I'm not embarrassed to say that PINK is my favorite color!

How many tattoos do you have: Two, because sometimes you're young AND stupid, and then sometimes you're JUST stupid.

How many pets do you have: Two -- Louis (my dog) and Izzy (my cat). I had more, before I got Izzy, but she has, thankfully, chased all the mice away.

Which came first--the chicken or the egg? This sounds like you're trying to bait me into an intelligent design vs. evolution argument, and I won't do it.

WTF ...? Back to Work?


Sad face courtesy of this interesting site, which is also scary, but if you do a Google Image search, you get what you get. Anyway, so, I'm sad the holidays are over. Boo. I mean, there's still New Year's, but that's kind of depressing anymore. Another year past and all; so many resolutions left unresolved! I am going to try to start this year off right -- instead of resolutions, I'm writing my Life Business Plan. Where I want to be, what I want to do, how I'm going to get there, and with appropriate timing. I mean, it's unrealistic to expect to be Queen of the World by this time next year ... maybe by 2009.

Anyway, so, I was supposed to go back today, but things happen, like the need to wait around for a contractor to show up ...
The one extra day of respite, was nice (if not really respite), but also crazy! I had no email all day! It was nerve-wracking. I'm a grown woman, afraid of getting in trouble at work. WTF? It would be different if I didn't do anything, but I bust my hump, come in on weekends, spend way more time thinking about work than I should, and I have a stomach ache because I'm not there one day? THAT'S FOR SURE something to work on in the new year. In other contexts, people use the phrase, "I give as good as I get". Well, I KNOW I give better than I get ( at work and such). I just need to really put that out there. No more stomach aches. Really.

And also? I was stressed beyond belief for the holiday and still am kind of twitchy. But my problems? Easy, really, when there are still folks who need help just keeping a roof over their heads, finding enough food to eat, and keeping their families together. Many, many, many people were generous to me this year, not just with material things, but with their good wishes, support, and general niceness. I'm going to start my year by being as generous as I can be in return, through prayer, and when I can, through more tangible means. The first check I write in 2006, goes here.